dear derek, doug and anita:
congratulations, derek, for picking the grizzlies. now it's time to start thinking about an agent. i know, you are not allowed to have an agent while playing college ball, so this decision could be four years away. but life is short; it's always good to plan ahead. i would like to be that agent, and herewith submit my credentials and strategy.
1. education: helena crimson bengal (nuff said.)
2. legal background: perry mason, judge judy, small claims court.
3. notable client: argh! (we agreed in principle with the university four years ago on argh! becoming offensive coordinator for the football team but negotiations have stalled on the university's insistence that we drop the word "coordinator" from his job description
4. strategy: pro scouts are like lemmings, always going for the latest hottest thing, and while in europe six-ten kids have been shooting treys for a generation now, it's still a big deal in america when a big kid can handle, pass, see the court and shoot from downtown. hence the fascination with adam morrison. plus he too was originally a montana kid, and showed a lot of emotion on the court. so where the slogan was, "be like mike," we need to change that to "be like adam."
see, image is everything in america. so the strategy is, grow a mustache--now! pull out all the old family videos, and search for one showing derek throwing a tantrum--best one where he's chest-down on the floor, flapping his hands and crying like a baby. practise this move because it will read "emotion" to the pro scouts. finally, work on that trash talking. morrison does it, but larry bird was the best. we had a pretty good one here who was so good he got tossed. as a backup, you might look at "grizbacker one." come to think of it, this board abounds with them. if you have any time left, work on your basketball stuff. but don't overlook the critical importance of image.
5. goal: five years, $50 mill guaranteed. just send me a check for 2%.
6. final character plea: i am fair and balanced in everything i do and say, and the most respected name in sports agentry. trust me!
congratulations, derek, for picking the grizzlies. now it's time to start thinking about an agent. i know, you are not allowed to have an agent while playing college ball, so this decision could be four years away. but life is short; it's always good to plan ahead. i would like to be that agent, and herewith submit my credentials and strategy.
1. education: helena crimson bengal (nuff said.)
2. legal background: perry mason, judge judy, small claims court.
3. notable client: argh! (we agreed in principle with the university four years ago on argh! becoming offensive coordinator for the football team but negotiations have stalled on the university's insistence that we drop the word "coordinator" from his job description
4. strategy: pro scouts are like lemmings, always going for the latest hottest thing, and while in europe six-ten kids have been shooting treys for a generation now, it's still a big deal in america when a big kid can handle, pass, see the court and shoot from downtown. hence the fascination with adam morrison. plus he too was originally a montana kid, and showed a lot of emotion on the court. so where the slogan was, "be like mike," we need to change that to "be like adam."
see, image is everything in america. so the strategy is, grow a mustache--now! pull out all the old family videos, and search for one showing derek throwing a tantrum--best one where he's chest-down on the floor, flapping his hands and crying like a baby. practise this move because it will read "emotion" to the pro scouts. finally, work on that trash talking. morrison does it, but larry bird was the best. we had a pretty good one here who was so good he got tossed. as a backup, you might look at "grizbacker one." come to think of it, this board abounds with them. if you have any time left, work on your basketball stuff. but don't overlook the critical importance of image.
5. goal: five years, $50 mill guaranteed. just send me a check for 2%.
6. final character plea: i am fair and balanced in everything i do and say, and the most respected name in sports agentry. trust me!
