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North Dakota Jokes

Some Indian lore for you guys.

When General George Custer came through North Dakota to fight the Indians he received several requests from the north dakotans to help him fight. Since he already had what he thought was enough troops to do the job over in the little big horn and he didn't want to tip off the Indians that the Calvary was coming so he told them this.

"Just play dumb 'til I get back."
 
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM NORTH DAKOTA IF:

You've never met any celebrities.

Your idea of a traffic jam is 2 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

Vacation means going to Medora.

You've seen all the biggest bands, 20 yrs after they were popular.

You measure distance in hours.

East means to Fargo.

You think going to Minneapolis requires a passport.

You know several people who have hit a buffalo.

The most common reason for the pastor being late for church is hitting a buffalo.

Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

Your school finals were canceled for harvest.

You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

You've had to switch from "heat" to A/C in the same day!

You know what's high by the 4th of July.

Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

You see people wear bib overalls to funerals and church.

The people wearing bib overalls are millionaires.

The people wearing 3 piece suits are on minimum wage.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.

You only lock your car in August, so it doesn't get filled with zucchini.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to town I wanna go with."

All the festivals across the state are named after fruit,vegetable, grain or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, keys in the car.

You think 4 major food groups are: beef, chokecherry wine, pork and Jell-O with marshmallows.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You carry a blizzard survival kit in your car 12 months a year.

You only own 3 spices; salt, pepper, ketchup.

You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because potholes are filled with snow.

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

You think sexy lingerie consists of tube socks and a flannel nightie.

The local paper covers National and International headlines on one page, but needs 6 pages for local sports.

You think deer season is a national holiday.

You find -30 degrees F a "little chilly".

You find 3 feet of snow a minor inconvenience.

You know all 4 Seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Construction.

The definition of summer is bad sledding.

You know if another North Dakotan is from southern, middle or northern ND as soon as they open their mouth.

There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more, but McDonalds are spread out every 100 miles.
 
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Blgs Griz Fan said:
Renaldus and Oly were next door neighbors in Valley City. It was the day after Christmas and they bumped into each other taking out the garbage,
Oly said, "Didja have a good Christmas Renaldus?"
Renaldus replied, " Ya sure. Hilda got me that high tech ice fishing pole I have been eyeing down at the Walmart. How about you Ole? Didja have good one?"
Oly smiled and said, " You betcha I did! Betty got me that new snow mobile I saw over in Bismark last month."
" Gee, that's super." said Renaldus.
Oly looked at Renaldus and said " Hey Renaldus I got and idea. Let's get together tomorrow and go to the lake. With the price of gas these days it just makes sense."'
Renaldus, "That sure sounds like a winner to me. I'll be ready at 9:00 am."
Oly,"See ya then."
The next morning Oly and Renaldus took off for the lake and arrived in about 45 minutes.
Renaldus got busy, drilled through the ice and set about fishing. On the far end of the lake Ole could be heard chortling and laughing with glee as hes sped across the frozen lake.
About 11:00 am Oly drove over to Renaldus to see how the fishing was.
" Dija leave any fish in that lake for the rest of us Renaldus?" asked Oly.
Renaldus looked a bit dejected and replied, "Oly I haven't even had so much as a nibble!"
"Geez that's too bad Renaldus" said Oly as he looked at his new ice machine.
Oly took a second and noticed he still had about a half tank of fuel. He looked up at Renaldus and said, " Hey I've got and idea Renaldus. I still have a half tank of fuel. Why dontcha hop on and we will go trolling for a bit."
Click to expand...

This one is WAAAAY too subtle for most folks... 8-) 8-)
 
What's the difference between a happy North Dakotan and a gay North Dakotan?

A happy North Dakotan likes Budweiser. A gay North Dakotan likes Oly.

Did you hear about the North Dakotan who got his Rogaine mixed up with the Monostat 7? He's still as bald as ever, but he doesn't scratch his head as often.
 
AzGF, I had to be subtle. A friend in Wibaux called me and told me he saw a whole bunch of North Dakotans buying up septic tanks and they are positioning them on the border with Montana. My friend was told they are getting ready to invade Montana because of the North Dakota Jokes.
 
2 Bison grads were out hunting one weekend. Sitting around the campfire that night with nothing to do, the first Bison grad says to the second Bison grad,

"Hey, I got an idea! Do you want to play 20 questions?"

The second Bison grad replied, "20 questions? I don't even know what the hell that is??"

The first Bison grad explains it to him, "Well, it's a game that is super easy to play. I think of something - anything in the world - in my head, and you get up to 20 yes-or-no questions to try and figure out what it is that I am thinking of!"

The second Bison grad said, "Sure, I'll play."

So the first Bison grad starts to think long and hard about what would be the most difficult object for the other guy to guess. After several minutes in quiet reflection, he comes up with it: "Moose dick".

"Alright, I've got it! Fire away with your first question!"

The second Bison grad said, "Alright.........can you eat it?"

The first Bison grad kinda laughs to himself, "Can you EAT it? Hahaha well I don't think you would really want to....but that doesn't mean you can't....I dunno what to say.....probably not the best idea in the world....hahahaha.....you'd have to be plenty hungry.......but, you know what? Yes! Yes, technically.........you can eat it!"

So the second Bison grad said, "Alright, second question."


























"Is it Moose dick?"
 
UMclassof2002 said:
2 Bison grads were out hunting one weekend. Sitting around the campfire that night with nothing to do, the first Bison grad says to the second Bison grad,

"Hey, I got an idea! Do you want to play 20 questions?"

The second Bison grad replied, "20 questions? I don't even know what the hell that is??"

The first Bison grad explains it to him, "Well, it's a game that is super easy to play. I think of something - anything in the world - in my head, and you get up to 20 yes-or-no questions to try and figure out what it is that I am thinking of!"

The second Bison grad said, "Sure, I'll play."

So the first Bison grad starts to think long and hard about what would be the most difficult object for the other guy to guess. After several minutes in quiet reflection, he comes up with it: "Moose dick".

"Alright, I've got it! Fire away with your first question!"

The second Bison grad said, "Alright.........can you eat it?"

The first Bison grad kinda laughs to himself, "Can you EAT it? Hahaha well I don't think you would really want to....but that doesn't mean you can't....I dunno what to say.....probably not the best idea in the world....hahahaha.....you'd have to be plenty hungry.......but, you know what? Yes! Yes, technically.........you can eat it!"

So the second Bison grad said, "Alright, second question."


























"Is it Moose dick?"
Click to expand...
I may be the only one but I had tears coming out of my eyes after reading that joke. :lol:
 
Guy gets home from work in Fargo and instantly sees that his wife is pissed about something. Fearing it is about him, he cautiously asks "What's wrong?"

Wife glares at him and says "When your son got home from school he had a crap-eating grin on his face, I knew he was up to something so I asked him what he was so smug about, and do you know what he said?"

Guy, being relieved that he is not the one in the line of fire, says "What?"

"He said he had sex with his teacher today!" she blared out. "You go upstairs and talk to him right now, how in the world..." and so forth for the next 10 minutes.

So the guy, both relieved he is not in trouble and somewhat amused that his boy scored with his teacher, goes upstairs and gives him the lecture, which ends something like "you know you shouldn't be doing things like that, and you definitely do NOT want to be telling your mother about things like that when they happen. But it's done now so just learn from your mistake and do better going forward. Do you want to go shoot some hoops or something?"

"Not tonight Dad, my ass is too sore."
 
Did you hear about the North Dakota man who stabbed himself in the head 22 times?
He was trying to eat with a fork

Did you hear about the North Dakota man who tried to commit suicide?
He jumped out of the basement window

A long time ago when the Montanans and North Dakotans were at war, the North Dakotans were throwing bombs over the border. The Montanans were lighting them and throwing them back.
 
I grew up in Baker near the ND border. We used to have fun around the 4th of July when the Nodaks would go to the border and throw firecrackers at the Montanans on the other side. While the Nodaks laughed and laughed, the Montanans would light them and throw them back.
 
So there was this old miner that lived up in the mountains back in the day. Once a year he had to come into town for supplies. After he gets into town and gets everything he needs, he goes to the bar and sits down at the bar. The bartender comes up and says “What can I get for ya?” The old miner says “can I get a shot of your best whiskey and (leans in close) you got any prostitutes in this town?” The bartender pours him the whisky and says “No, we ain’t got no prostitutes but we got ol’ Bob the North Dakotan out back. He can take care of what you need.” The old miner said “Fuck that shit, I ain’t into that shit! Fuck that shit!” Then the miner did his shot, got up and walked out to head back up into the hills.
A year goes by and the old miner has to come back to town again for supplies. After he gets everything he needs, he goes to the bar and sits down at the bar. The bartender comes up and says “What can I get for ya?” The old miner says “can I get a shot of your best whiskey and (leans in close) you got any prostitutes in this town?” The bartender pours him the whisky and says “No, we ain’t got no prostitutes but we got ol’ Bob the North Dakotan out back. He can take care of what you need.” The old miner said “Fuck that shit, I ain’t into that shit! Fuck that shit!” Then the miner did his shot, got up and walked out to head back up into the hills.
Well another year goes by and the old miner has to come back to town again for supplies. After he gets everything he needs, he goes to the bar and sits down at the bar. The bartender comes up and says “What can I get for ya?” The old miner says “can I get a shot of your best whiskey and (leans in close) you got any prostitutes in this town?” The bartender pours him the whisky and says “No, we ain’t got no prostitutes but we got ol’ Bob the North Dakotan out back. He can take care of what you need.” The old miner said “Fuck that shit, I ain’t into that shit! Fuck that shit!” The bartender says ok and walks away. Well the old miner does that shot but then he sits there and thinks to himself it’s been a long time. He calls the bartender back over and says “If I go outback with ol’ Bob the North Dakotan, who all is gonna know about this?” The bartender says “Well me, you, and ol’ Bob of course, and the two guys out there with Bob.” The old miner’s like “What the fuck!? Why are two guys with him?” The bartender says “To hold him down of course. Ol’ Bob ain’t into that shit either.”
 
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