In a stunning Labor Day press conference, the U. of Montana announced that their 2023-24 Men’s basketball program will be closed to the public
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Speaking via Zoom, Monte, the team’s mascot, said that this decision was reached after a few vocal fans complained via egriz that through the summer there were few updates to the roster, especially of new players, and no announcement or speculation about teams on this year’s schedule. Nor any stories about any of the players, as they saw about the Lady Griz.
Speaking on behalf of the coaching staff, which had not been heard from in several months anyway, Monte growled, “I don’t believe our fanbase realizes how hard it is to be a basketball coach these days. Recruiting is a 24-7 operation, especially when you throw in the Transfer Portal. All on top of monitoring the scholastic achievements of our players.
“Finally, this staff came to believe that the character development of its players was the most important aspect of the basketball program at the University of Montana, which is why they actively promote the academic achievements of their players. They are also mindful of the great basketball tradition at Montana which is why they put out stories about the legendary Larry Krystkowiak’s entry in the Big Sky Hall of Fame.
“But,” said Monte, waving a paw for emphasis, “what do fans have do with either of these objectives? Frankly, they’re just impediments to the character development of our players and the constant burnishing of the great basketball tradition at Montana. In fact, these fans have become such a huge annoyance that the staff has decided to avoid them completely. Games will be played at an undisclosed location, and the results will be reported two days later via X.”
Stunned reporters shouted questions at the screen before it flickered off and Monte’s visage disappeared, apparently ending the 2023-24 basketball season before it ever began.
.
Speaking via Zoom, Monte, the team’s mascot, said that this decision was reached after a few vocal fans complained via egriz that through the summer there were few updates to the roster, especially of new players, and no announcement or speculation about teams on this year’s schedule. Nor any stories about any of the players, as they saw about the Lady Griz.
Speaking on behalf of the coaching staff, which had not been heard from in several months anyway, Monte growled, “I don’t believe our fanbase realizes how hard it is to be a basketball coach these days. Recruiting is a 24-7 operation, especially when you throw in the Transfer Portal. All on top of monitoring the scholastic achievements of our players.
“Finally, this staff came to believe that the character development of its players was the most important aspect of the basketball program at the University of Montana, which is why they actively promote the academic achievements of their players. They are also mindful of the great basketball tradition at Montana which is why they put out stories about the legendary Larry Krystkowiak’s entry in the Big Sky Hall of Fame.
“But,” said Monte, waving a paw for emphasis, “what do fans have do with either of these objectives? Frankly, they’re just impediments to the character development of our players and the constant burnishing of the great basketball tradition at Montana. In fact, these fans have become such a huge annoyance that the staff has decided to avoid them completely. Games will be played at an undisclosed location, and the results will be reported two days later via X.”
Stunned reporters shouted questions at the screen before it flickered off and Monte’s visage disappeared, apparently ending the 2023-24 basketball season before it ever began.
