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Youth Sports and Parents
- Thread starter UncleRico
- Start date
I mentioned this on twitter today:
"Coaches Hat: Little League Baseball edition
I observed/heard something from afar on Saturday while at my teams practice...
"...(players name) this is not what I spent 40 dollars a session for you to do at the plate." -Parent to child in a 6-7 year old coach pitch game."
What gets me, isn't the privatized coaching or the 8U/9U/10U traveling leagues, it is the lack of understanding of where the level fits into the development arc/trajectory.
Got in a rather heated argument with a parent last year about the sons performance on the field during the game. He was the most significantly ADHD kid I have ever coached, but I told the parent it isn't my job to scream and yell at him like a drill sergeant. The kid was 8, and the parent chimed back, "well he doesn't respect you as a coach." I stood there and stared at her for a good minute, before I said anything. I just said, that is okay and fine, and I responded back to her, but that isn't what is keeping him from being a competent baseball player. They road him like a rented mule in practice and games, and I didn't honest feel I needed to further add to cacophony of negativity that surrounded this kid. I just told the mom, I'll get after him if it is a safety risk but he isn't responding to me because he doesn't respect me, he's not responding to me because he is severely ADHD. She didn't like me much for the rest of the year. In fact she doesn't talk to me a year later.
I have been coaching youth sports from age 5 to 18 for the past twenty years and I've umpired/refereed for as much or if not longer. Parents need to be reminded rather consistently that their child isn't going to command a million dollar pay check at the age of 9. Their success or failure in the sport of their choice is more about genetic ability, aptitude and attitude. Most of it is genetic. I love my son dearly, but he's an average athlete, average sized, so about the only way to improve him is to focus on approaching sport the right way and increase his aptitude for the game. I am under no illusion that he'll be a professional ball player, he has the confidence (what 9 year old who loves a sport doesn't?) but I can damn well make sure he approaches the sport correctly.
But you can spend a 1,000 a month on private coaches and play in competitive travel ball tournaments, and it really doesn't increase the likelihood they'll be successful in major boys baseball let alone high school or college. I tell parents, I play the long game. I teach skills that are scalable, that can help them achieve their goals, and I want kids if they want to play high school baseball they'll have the basic skills to make it there. You don't need to play travel ball, win a lot of games or hire private coaches to accomplish that.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
GF24
"Coaches Hat: Little League Baseball edition
I observed/heard something from afar on Saturday while at my teams practice...
"...(players name) this is not what I spent 40 dollars a session for you to do at the plate." -Parent to child in a 6-7 year old coach pitch game."
What gets me, isn't the privatized coaching or the 8U/9U/10U traveling leagues, it is the lack of understanding of where the level fits into the development arc/trajectory.
Got in a rather heated argument with a parent last year about the sons performance on the field during the game. He was the most significantly ADHD kid I have ever coached, but I told the parent it isn't my job to scream and yell at him like a drill sergeant. The kid was 8, and the parent chimed back, "well he doesn't respect you as a coach." I stood there and stared at her for a good minute, before I said anything. I just said, that is okay and fine, and I responded back to her, but that isn't what is keeping him from being a competent baseball player. They road him like a rented mule in practice and games, and I didn't honest feel I needed to further add to cacophony of negativity that surrounded this kid. I just told the mom, I'll get after him if it is a safety risk but he isn't responding to me because he doesn't respect me, he's not responding to me because he is severely ADHD. She didn't like me much for the rest of the year. In fact she doesn't talk to me a year later.
I have been coaching youth sports from age 5 to 18 for the past twenty years and I've umpired/refereed for as much or if not longer. Parents need to be reminded rather consistently that their child isn't going to command a million dollar pay check at the age of 9. Their success or failure in the sport of their choice is more about genetic ability, aptitude and attitude. Most of it is genetic. I love my son dearly, but he's an average athlete, average sized, so about the only way to improve him is to focus on approaching sport the right way and increase his aptitude for the game. I am under no illusion that he'll be a professional ball player, he has the confidence (what 9 year old who loves a sport doesn't?) but I can damn well make sure he approaches the sport correctly.
But you can spend a 1,000 a month on private coaches and play in competitive travel ball tournaments, and it really doesn't increase the likelihood they'll be successful in major boys baseball let alone high school or college. I tell parents, I play the long game. I teach skills that are scalable, that can help them achieve their goals, and I want kids if they want to play high school baseball they'll have the basic skills to make it there. You don't need to play travel ball, win a lot of games or hire private coaches to accomplish that.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
GF24
That is so spot on Grizfan-24, like you, I coached little league for nearly 20 years. The first meeting with parents at the first practice was mandatory. I learned to begin the parents meeting with the school work comes first mantra, I realized that I could pick out the non-verbal responses from parents and knew which ones would be the problems and which ones I could lean on. Some parents will never accept that their kid is an average ball player and has no track to the million dollar paycheck. The problem parents are the main reason I left coaching and why I dont miss it. There is a lot of life that can be learned between the white lines and some parents just dont get it.
I remember asking a longtime coach, who had coached high school and college, and had been retired 20 or so years, whether parents ever called him or came to talk to him about their kids and playing time back when he coached. He pondered the question, and then said: "Some, but no one ever talked to me twice."
I once heard a frosh coach, at the pre season parent meeting, say essentially the following:
"If you have complaints about your kid or his playing time, I've set up a public Comment/Complaint website for all parents and players. Just post your complaint, and be specific (like who should your kid by playing over and why). I'll look at your complaint, as the other parents and players look at it."
I once heard a frosh coach, at the pre season parent meeting, say essentially the following:
"If you have complaints about your kid or his playing time, I've set up a public Comment/Complaint website for all parents and players. Just post your complaint, and be specific (like who should your kid by playing over and why). I'll look at your complaint, as the other parents and players look at it."
There's a flip side of that entire argument. Coaches playing favorites:
My son played competitive baseball until his junior year of HS. As an 8/9/10 year old, he was head and shoulders the best athlete/player on the field. Faster, bigger, stronger, better arm, better bat, etc., etc. At age 11, he suffered a fractured skull when hit by a pitch (yes he had a helmet on, it's a long story). Had to sit out a year of contact sports and in the process some kids in the area "caught him" with regards to skill level. Fast forward to high school...he's on the JV team...kind of a loner, sullen, only a couple friends on the team...most of the players (the cool kids) didn't care for him. Neither did the coach (who, BTW was only 20 and 1 year removed from being the same HS's varsity "stud".
The coach decided MY kid was going to be the one the rest of the team came together around, by using my kid as the "punching bag", so to speak. The players berated him every single day. Bullied him. Made fun of him. Laughed at him. All of it with the unconditional support of the freshman coach, and many times incited by and participated in by the coach. Never mind my son was still one of the best athletes on the team (and I'm not just saying this...this came from a college coach)...he wasn't part of the "cool" clique, so he was screwed. He NEVER PLAYED. Ever. Came to every practice, ran all the drills, put up with all the abuse and bullying. Never played. Finally, at a game late in the season, I got a text from him: "The coach just walked by me in the dugout and spit on me." Yes, purposely.
I met the team bus at the school that night and it was everything in my power not to stomp a new mudhole in that coach. We were nose-to-nose (well, figuratively speaking, given that he was about 5'7" and I'm 6'2") for about 5 minutes as I chewed his ass...Needless to say, my son's love for the game died that season. Despite having college potential (again, not my words), he gave up the game he loved forever.
Yes, there are problem parents out there. I sat among them every single day, every game, every practice. But there are many, many problem coaches and teammates out there as well. I saw it with my own eyes. The only consolation was that I got that coach fired, and I also spoke to the college coach where he was scheduled to begin playing and got THAT scholarship offer pulled as well (their head recruiter happened to be my son's private pitching coach).
Bottom line: be careful who you piss off. You never know who they know.
My son played competitive baseball until his junior year of HS. As an 8/9/10 year old, he was head and shoulders the best athlete/player on the field. Faster, bigger, stronger, better arm, better bat, etc., etc. At age 11, he suffered a fractured skull when hit by a pitch (yes he had a helmet on, it's a long story). Had to sit out a year of contact sports and in the process some kids in the area "caught him" with regards to skill level. Fast forward to high school...he's on the JV team...kind of a loner, sullen, only a couple friends on the team...most of the players (the cool kids) didn't care for him. Neither did the coach (who, BTW was only 20 and 1 year removed from being the same HS's varsity "stud".
The coach decided MY kid was going to be the one the rest of the team came together around, by using my kid as the "punching bag", so to speak. The players berated him every single day. Bullied him. Made fun of him. Laughed at him. All of it with the unconditional support of the freshman coach, and many times incited by and participated in by the coach. Never mind my son was still one of the best athletes on the team (and I'm not just saying this...this came from a college coach)...he wasn't part of the "cool" clique, so he was screwed. He NEVER PLAYED. Ever. Came to every practice, ran all the drills, put up with all the abuse and bullying. Never played. Finally, at a game late in the season, I got a text from him: "The coach just walked by me in the dugout and spit on me." Yes, purposely.
I met the team bus at the school that night and it was everything in my power not to stomp a new mudhole in that coach. We were nose-to-nose (well, figuratively speaking, given that he was about 5'7" and I'm 6'2") for about 5 minutes as I chewed his ass...Needless to say, my son's love for the game died that season. Despite having college potential (again, not my words), he gave up the game he loved forever.
Yes, there are problem parents out there. I sat among them every single day, every game, every practice. But there are many, many problem coaches and teammates out there as well. I saw it with my own eyes. The only consolation was that I got that coach fired, and I also spoke to the college coach where he was scheduled to begin playing and got THAT scholarship offer pulled as well (their head recruiter happened to be my son's private pitching coach).
Bottom line: be careful who you piss off. You never know who they know.
AzGriz,
Completely understand and have seen it way too many times in my years of coaching to know that coaches can do as much in a few days that would take others years, to absolutely destroy a kid in that sport for life.
Sorry your kid had to go through that, and I'd like to think that schools are become more and more responsive to that type of thing. My former school jettisoned a former assistant of mine because of verbally abusive behavior during the middle of the year. Literally had a police officer escort him off the playing field in the middle of practice.
Completely understand and have seen it way too many times in my years of coaching to know that coaches can do as much in a few days that would take others years, to absolutely destroy a kid in that sport for life.
Sorry your kid had to go through that, and I'd like to think that schools are become more and more responsive to that type of thing. My former school jettisoned a former assistant of mine because of verbally abusive behavior during the middle of the year. Literally had a police officer escort him off the playing field in the middle of practice.