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irishshed hunter

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A male U of M grad in his business attire and a female MSU grad in her casual attire get into the elevator at the same time one morning. As the doors close, the female MSU grad looks at the male U of M grad and says "T.G.I.F." He responds with "S.H.I.T." Again, she says "T.G.I.F." Again, he responds with "S.H.I.T." She looks at him puzzled for a moment, then says "Thank Goodness It's Friday!" He looks at her, and responds with "Sorry Honey It's Thursday."
 
Two MSU grads are on opposite sides of a river. The first one yells across to the second one "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The second one yells back "You ARE on the other side."
 
A typical blonde from MSU is overweight, so her doctor put's her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days," he tells her. "Then skip a day and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds."
When the MSU blonde returns, she's lost nearly forty pounds. "Why that's amazing," the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger you mean?" asks the doctor.
"No," replies the blonde, "from skipping."
 
An MSU grad was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his MSU bride is a virgin.
The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a Do-It-Yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint... and a shovel.”
The MSU grad asked, “And what do I do with these, doc?”
The doc replied, "Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw, you hit her with the shovel!!!."
 
While being interviewed for a job, the personnel manager said to the MSU grads,

“We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets the most right we'll hire.”

Papers were produced and the MSU grads set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the personnel manager collected and marked the papers.

“Well, he said you've both got nine out of ten, but I'm giving John the job.”

“Why's that?” asked Bill.

'Well, said the manager, you both got the same question wrong but he had

“I don't know this” and you had “Neither do I.”
 
After the Americans went to the Moon, two MSU grad’s, announced that they would go one better and send a man to the Sun.

A U of M grad standing nearby objected. “If you send a man to the Sun, he’ll burn up!”
“What do you think we are, stupid?” one of the MSU grads replied. “We'll send our man at night!”
 
One MSU student riding a bus started chatting to another MSU student who was carrying a bag on his back.
“What's in the bag?” asked the first MSU student.
“I'm not going to tell”, replied said the second MSU student.
“Go on, do.” pleaded the first MSU student.
“Ah, all right then, its ducks.” said the second MSU student.
“If I guess how many ducks you have in the bag, will you give me one of them?” enquired the first MSU student.
“Look”, said the second MSU student, “If you guess the correct number, I'll give you both of them.”
“Five!” said the first MSU student…. triumphantly.
 
A U of M, passer-by watched two MSU grads in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
“Tell me”, said the U of M grad passing by, “What on earth are you doing?”
'Well', said the MSU digger, “Usually there are three of us. I dig the hole; one plants the tree and the other MSU grad fills in the hole. Today the one that plants the trees is away unwell, but that doesn't mean the two of us have to take the day off, does it?”
 
What do you say to a University of Montana football player dressed in a three-piece suit?

"Will the defendant please rise."
 
A MSU grad who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the Griz - Cat game and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?" "Why, I've been to the Griz –Cat game of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
 
A drunken MSU student staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth and sits down but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunken MSU student continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunken MSU student mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."
 
Monte, a local football mascot, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A woman is standing three floors up on ledge holding her pet Bobcat in her arms.

'Hey, lady, 'yells Monte, 'Throw me the cat.'

'No, 'she cries, 'It's too far.'

'I play football, I can catch him.'

The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Monte, kisses her cat goodbye, and then tosses the moggy down onto the street.

Monte keeps his eye on the Bobcat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline, bounces off an awning and Monte runs into the street and catches the cat. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch.

The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire, breaks into cheers. Monte does a little dance, lifts the feline above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then 'spikes' the cat into the pavement.
 
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