Story by Danny Davis
Montana Kaimin

Hello and welcome to the 19th hole’s annual end-of-the-year barbeque! Please put your potato salads and other side dishes on that table over there while the desserts go at the table by the DJ.

Yeah, that’s right DJ Spinknuckle, keep playing those beats. I really like the Disney megamix that you played a few minutes ago. And hey, when you finish playing that new Pretty Ricky jam, would you mind slowing it down with a lil’ Boyz II Men for the ladies? Thanks buddy.

I guess I’ll start by thanking you all for showing up. Shakira, you look wonderful like always and Denzel you are my boy. Cliff Huxtable, Monte and Samuel L. Jackson don’t just stand there or else I’ll be sending the leftovers home with you! Ha ha! Oh, and why don’t we give a full-hearted round of applause to the cast of American Idol seated over there on the red picnic table. Keep doing your things kids and Paris, I’m still rooting for you to win.

Oh, and UM golf team, congrats on an excellent season. At a school ruled by its football program, who would have thought that our two conference champions would be our men’s basketball and golf teams? Ladies, help yourself to an ice-cold orange soda in the cooler to your left.

Man, so what a year it’s been here at the 19th hole.

It all started with a heartwarming piece about athletes and Katrina and evolved into one of the Kaimin’s more popular pieces. Along the way this year, we’ve chosen our own adventures, picked George Mason to go to the Final

Four and concluded that making a sandwich was a better usage of time than watching a White Sox-Astros World Series game.

Of course, we couldn’t please everyone which was proven by the scores of letters that piled into the Kaimin inbox and the couple of 19th hole hate threads on that were erected. Sorry, the 1-9 didn’t suck up too much to your beloved Grizzlies and Gonzaga Bulldogs kids but that’s just how I roll. If you don’t like opinions, jump into a rowboat and head on down to Cuba.

What? The hot dogs are getting cold? Oh, sorry. Hey Jim, wanna throw a few more dogs on the Q? Thanks!

Before we head out, let me hit y’all up with some of my opinions regarding some of the hot button issues heading into the summer.

– The Duke Lacrosse scandal could quite possibly be one of the more sad sports-related stories in the past few years. This is just another example, the Colorado football incident a few years back is another, of how athletic
departments need to set up better rules regarding player off-the-field conduct.

– If the recent assault allegations regarding UM center Eric Van Vliet are indeed true, UM head coach Larry Krystkowiak has a huge opportunity to help ease the ugly stigma that athletes are better and differnet than the other 13,000+ students on campus.

– While we are talking about Coach K, I would like to add that the 1-9 is glad that he decided to extend his stay in Missoula for another year. Coach K is indeed good for the program and the Griz have blossomed under his tutelage.

– On the other hand, doesn’t all the hoopla surrounding Coach K’s possible departure to Malibu make one appreciate Lady Griz head honcho Robin Selvig’s 28-year tenure all the more?

– Enough about steroids.

– is always good for a good wholesome laugh.

– It shows how much people miss football season when people are getting excited about getting up somewhat early on Saturday to watch the NFL Draft. While on the subject of the draft, I’m putting the odds at 83 percent that
the Browns screw up their first-round draft pick once again this year.

– So exactly how many corrupt Republicans and idiot Dubya decisions is it going to take for the Democrats to actually step up and get something done about it?

– The New York Yankees will probably win big again, the Montana Kaimin softball team probably will not.
All right, looks like DJ Spinknuckle is acting like we’re at the Academy Awards and is playing some Yanni crap so I guess that means my time is up.

Help yourselves to some apple cobbler and party favors and we’ll do it again next year. Oh, and good luck on your finals.