Montana Jokes • Grizzlies / Bobcats

A large collection of Montana jokes, Griz Jokes and Montana State Bobcat Jokes. Check them out and get some ammunition for the next Griz-Cat (Brawl of the Wild) game!

Grizzly Christmas Carols

Deck yourself in tons of Griz stuff falalalalalal We're going to prove the Bob cats still suck falalalalala Who cares about stupid Lulay falallalalala The Griz are going win anyway falalaluhlala

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Griz Baby

A Griz Fan is drinking in an Amherst bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar announcing his wife has produced a typical Griz baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe...

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Med School

A young man had been trying to get into Medical School for some time and was frustrated in that he was not smart enough. He was really depressed until one day he saw a classified ad in USA Today. He called the number on the ad and was assured the clinic could help...

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Big Sky Fans

Three Big Sky football fans were out hiking in the woods. One Portland State Viking fan. One University of Montana Grizzly fan. And one Montana State University Bobcat fan. Each was wearing their favorite team stocking cap. As they began their hike through the woods...

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Bobcat Business

Two Bobcat small business men in Bozeman sat in their soon to be new store. As of now the store is bare with just a few shelves. One says to the other: "I bet you 5 dollars that any minute a Grizzly fan is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we...

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Bobcat Haircut

A Grizzly guy stuck his head into a Bobcat barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut"? The obcat barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About two hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same Grizzly guy stuck his head in the...

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Custody Battle

Missoula (AP) - A seven-year-old was at the center of a Missoula courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt,...

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Grizzly One Liners #3

A guy calls the number to purchase bobcat tickets... "Yes I would like to purchase bobcat tickets, and need them as soon as possible, we're almost out of toilet paper!!! What happens when bobcat cheerleaders look out their dorm-room windows? They get arrested for...

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Telephone Poles

A Griz fan and a Bobcat fan walked by a poster one day that said a man needed help pounding telephone poles in the ground. The next week the Griz fan showed up with a bunch of his griz buddies and the bobcat fan showed up with his bobcat buddies. The man said to the...

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Christmas Shopping

A Bozeman family of Bobcat football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up a Grizzly jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a UM fan and I would like this for Christmas". His big...

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Microwave

A major Bobcat fan walks into a electronic store in Missoula. He wants to buy a brand new TV and walks over to the clerk closest to him and asks him," I would like to buy that TV over there." The clerk says," I don't sell to Bobcat fans." So the fan walks out and...

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Bobcat Name

Why did the bobcats name their college the bobcats? Because in the 1st year of enrollment the most common name was Bob and they wanted to help them memorize their names.

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Car Wreck

There's a guy from Montana State driving from Bozeman to Missoula and a guy from UM driving from Missoula to Bozeman. In the middle of the night, with no other cars on the road, they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The...

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Hide and Seek

What do you call a Montana St. Fan that has been hiding under the porch for 10 years? The best hide and seek winner this side of the Mississippi River.

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Ice Fishing

The Bobcats and the Grizzlies decided to have a ice fishing contest one week. They decided that the Griz got one side and the bobcats the other. The first they went out all day and the girz came back with 28 fish and the bobcats none. This went on for several days and...

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Bobcat Season Tickets

I got pulled over by the Highway Patrol on the way to the GRIZZLY Football game last weekend. The patrolman was real nice and said that I was a lot better than the last guy he pulled over. The last guy had drove 50 miles before he finally ran out of gas and stopped....

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War of 1938

Did y'all ever hear about the great Griz-Bobcat War of 1938? The no good MSU Boobcat fans were sneaking up to the Griz practice field and throwing sticks of dynamite at our football team. The Grizzlies, in retaliation, lit the sticks and threw 'em back!!!

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Sheep

Did you hear that MSU discovered another use for sheep? Wool!

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Game Show

It was college contestant week on a national game show. The student contestants were from Idaho State, Portland State, and Montana State. The rules of the game were to answer the question, and then spell the answer correctly. The first one to do this would win the...

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New MSU Alumni Benefit.

The MSU alumni association has recently sent the following announcement to all MSU graduates: ATTENTION ALL MSU GRADUATES - The MSU Alumni Association has recently discovered a new benefit for all MSU graduates. To recieve this benefit a MSU graduate should hang...

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Bobcats Hunting?

A couple of Bobcat fans are out in the woods hunting, when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the...

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Coach Kramer

I heard that Kramer was only going to dress 15 players for the Griz/Cat game. The rest can dress themselves....

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Drug Problem

You do realize that the Montana State Bobcats have a major drug problem this season. Yeah, they get drug from one side of the field to the other.

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The Penance

A GRIZ fan and a Cat fan died and were waiting in line at the gates of Heaven to get in. When the GRIZ fan reached the gate, the Angel told him, "You have done some bad things in your life...you will have to pay a Peance to get in." The Angel pointed down the...

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Kramer

Mike Kramer was watching the Grizzlies practice one day when Coach Hauck came over and said, "I think it's gonna be a great year, we have some very smart talented quarterbacks this year". As Craig Ochs walked by, Hauck motioned for him to come over and he told Kramer...

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More School Rivalry

These three guys go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail.  They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.  The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any...

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School Rivalry

A Grizzly fan, a Bobcat fan and an Idaho fan were in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually...

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What does your Dad Do?

It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living. The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman." The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad...

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Another Chance for the Cats

Mike Kramer walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his starting QB and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."...

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You Might be from a Small Town If…

1. You can name everyone you graduated with. 2. You know what 4-H is. 3. You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road. 4. You used to drag "main." 5. The biggest company in the area sells farm equipment 6. You schedule parties around...

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You Know You’re From Montana When…

*You only know four spices - salt, pepper, Ranch dressings and ketchup. *You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. *You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. *You have 10 favorite recipes for Elk meat. *You've taken your kids...

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Brotherly Love

There were two brothers from Billings whom attended college in Montana.  One went to Bozeman and the other to Missoula.  Durring the holidays the brother from Missoula picked up his brother in Bozeman in his truck and they started the journey home to Billings.  They...

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Terrorists

Bozeman MT, (AP)  Three suspected terrorists have been discovered holed up in south Bozeman, close to the MSU campus.  The three were brought into custody dressed in yellow and blue Fightin' Bobcat regalia, late last saturday night after the annual Bobcat Grizzly...

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My Dog is a Cat Fan

A fella took his dog into a bar in Bozeman to watch the Griz-Cat game.  The bartender was dubious about the dog's presence at the bar.  The fella said "Com'on just let us watch for awhile and you'll see he really is at Bobcat fan".  So the bartender consented and they...

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Why I Love Montana

When it's springtime in Montana, And the gentle breezes blow, About seventy miles an hour And it's fifty two below. You can tell you're in Montana 'cause the snow's up to your butt, And you take a breath of springtime air, And your nose holes both freeze shut. The...

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Osama Bin Laden

Osama bin Laden is roaming through the desert and stumbles upon a magic lamp.  Out of the lamp pops a genie, who says "I will grant you one wish." bin Laden says, "Can you help me hide from the U.S. government?"  The genie scowls and says, "I will grant you one...

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Bobcat Joke

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Montana State Bobcat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Bobcats too.  No one really knowing what a Montana State Bobcat was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into...

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Bobcat Jokes

Q:  Do you know how to tell if the Bobcats called a running play? A:  The running back leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes. Q:  Do you know what Bobcats and opossums have in common? A:  Bot play dead at home and get killed on the road. Q:  Do you know what you...

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Fart Football

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football." A few minutes later the wife lets one go and...

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Montana State University Anthrax Scare

Montana State University football practice was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours at Bobcat football stadium.  One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery white substance on...

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Montana State University Joke

How can you tell if a guy is lying when he says that he has devirginized an MSU cheerleader? Simple: Just find  out if they were really in the same third grade class.

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Tornado

Where do all the MSU students go during a tornado??? To the football field because there hasn't been a touchdown there yet!!!

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Three Guys Wake Up In Prison

These three guys go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail.  They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any...

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Montana Temperature Conversion Chart

Montana Temperature Conversion Chart: 60 above Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats. Montana people sunbathe. 50 above New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Montana people plant gardens. 40 above Italian cars won't start. Montana people drive with the windows...

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In the Bathroom

In the bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He...

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God Loves The Griz

After Cliff Hysell dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Cliff a little two-bedroom house with a faded Montana State Bobcats banner hanging from the front porch.  "This is your house, Coach." Most people don't get their own houses up...

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Dear Abby

Dear Abby: I am a sailor in the United States Coast Guard. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Benson Hurst, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana...

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MSU FIRE

Did you hear about the fire they had at the MSU library? It was so bad they weren't able to save all the coloring books.

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Signs You Might Be From Montana…

You own more than four pairs of gloves . Every other vehicle is a 4x4. The sun goes down and you immediately grab your coat. In March your vehicle is 43% mud . You leave your keys in your car and the next morning it's still there . You installed your new computer...

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MONTANA GRIZZLY BEAR ALERT

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. "We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little...

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You Know You’re from Montana when…

The wind is faster than your truck Every other vehicle is a 4x4 When the sun goes down you start looking for your coat In March your vehicle is 43% mud You leave your keys in the car and the next morning it's still there You installed your new computer using a...

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MONTANA VERSION OF “SURVIVOR”

Contestants must travel from Billings through Bozeman, Butte, Helena, Great Falls and back to Billings through Grass range and Roundup.  They must drive a Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads: "I'm gay, an abortion doctor, and I'm here to take your guns." First one...

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The Lumberyard

A Montana State fan went to the lumberyard and asked for 4x2's. The clerk said they had 2x4's. The Montana State fan insisted on 4x2's. Finally the clerk suggested he just look at what they had for sale. The Montana State fan did and decided that 2x4's would work just...

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Flag Pole

A Montana State fan was putting up a new flag pole.  He wanted to know how high in the air his flag would be and he kept holding on to the pole and trying to get the tape measure to reach the end. He couldn't and he kept dropping the pole. A Montana fan came by and...

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Top Ten Courses at the Montana State University

10. Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F"? 9. Pre-law Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States 8. Sandwich Making: A Project Course 7. Hand-Shadow Workshop 6. Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend 5. Cliff's Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics 4....

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Ah, Never Mind

A guy walks into a bar and says, "Hey barkeep, did you ever hear the one about the MSU Bobcats?" Four huge men stand up and approach the man. One of them says, "We play football at MSU, you wanna tell that joke to us?" The guy replies, "What -- and have to explain it...

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I’m a Griz Fan

Two boys were walking in a park in Bozeman and one was suddenly under attack by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped off a board from a nearby fence, wedged it down the dog's collar and twisted it, breaking the dog's neck and saving his friend's...

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Big Sky Conference Fans

Four football fans were climbing a mountain one day. Each was a fan of a different Big Sky conference team and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans of their football team. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of...

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God and the Griz

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.  Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through...

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Grizzly One Liners #2

Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco? Bozeman, MT .......He knew the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner Why did O.J. want to move to Bozeman, MT? Everyone there has the same DNA Why did Bozeman want to choose orange as their team color? You...

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Grizzly One Liners

What does the average MSU player get on his SAT's? Drool What do you get when you put 32 MSU cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth How do you get a MSU cheerleader into your dorm room? Grease her hips and push like hell How do you get A MSU football player off...

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