Dear Abby:

I am a sailor in the United States Coast Guard. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Benson Hurst, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City.  I have two brothers, one is currently serving a no-parole life sentence in Attica for rape & murder.  The other currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of incest with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time “working girl” in a brothel, however, her time there is limited, as she has recently been infected with an STD.  We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel, with my fiance utilizing her knowledge of the industry working as the manager.  I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the streets and, hopefully, off the heroin.

My problem is this; I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family, and of course I want to be totally honest with her.  Should I tell her about my cousin who plays football for MONTANA STATE?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

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